Someone

Someone gave me a Piggles last night. Someone helped me find my poor bun. Someone said, "Merry christmas eve, and a happy 1 and a half years" to me. Someone who hurt me told me he was sorry. Someone who seemed to regret his actions told me to wait after 2 weeks.

I couldn't cry for that someone. I just didn't feel enough. But I really wish he'd mend his ways. For his own good, and not mine. That someone cried, for the first time. I'd never seen or heard him cry before. He sounded just like a sad, little boy over the phone. He said he felt extremely lost. I think that even when I was around, he was wandering with little sense of direction, in his own world.

Piggles is really cute. I don't know why, but I love him. He doesn't have that classic pig snout. Instead, he merely possesses a pink snub for a nose. I thought of throwing him into the white box immediately after I got him, but the thought vanished when I held him in my hands, with his wide innocent eyes staring up at me. The price I paid for him is 1 and a half years of my life.

It's empty

Tried to take a picture
Of love
Didn't think I'd miss her
That much
I want to fill this new frame
But it's empty

Tried to write a letter
In ink
It's been getting better
I think
But its empty
Its empty

- "Empty" by Click Five

I did it. And I feel empty. There's not much feeling left anymore. Even my sadness seems so hollow. My tears don't know why they're falling out. For love, given too freely? For the care and concern that they missed sorely? Or for the time wasted, only to experience sorrow?

Some of you may tell me, it's about time!

I just feel sadness when I hear that. Where's the relief? I need it, but I don't see it.

So worried...

He didn't go home last night. There was no one at his place. And his handphone is still off. I managed to get through at 3 AM, but after that he turned it off again. I didn't really sleep much. I went to bed at 12, woke up at 2+, slept at 5+, and woke at 9. I talked to David for those 3 hours, and he made me feel better. But this morning I can't stop the tears from flowing again. Where is he? His friends have no idea where he is, nor did he contact them at all. I really am at a loss. I sent him so many messages but he never replied to a single message.

I had no idea it would feel this bad.

I think I just broke up with him. For real. And all of a sudden, I don't want to. I've been crying my eyes out for more than 3 hours now, although it really feels much longer. I suddenly feel that I can't do without him. And there's this pain in my chest that won't go away.He just left my house and didn't come back. I don't know where he is. I can't contact him, and I feel terrible. I miss him like crazy, and I'm very sorry I brought it up, and asked him to leave. I ran out to check the bus stop, but he wasn't there. I've called up or messaged all his friends, and they haven't seen him or heard from him.

He wouldn't leave just like that in the past. He must really have given up. Right before he left, he told me, "You've changed." I don't know about me, but I guess his feelings for me also has changed.

I want to go and look for him right now.

I honestly don't know why, but I actually contemplated suicide just now. It was so sweet, and tempting. Just to be selfish and ignore everyone else's feelings for my own suffering.

How am I to study for my exams? My head's so messed up right now, I can't think of anything else...

What's this flicker of doubt?

Why do I feel so empty all of a sudden? Am I really blinded, as he said? Is my sense of judgment really warped by love? I don't want to be wrong. I don't want to wake up one morning and see a person I can't spend the rest of my life with lying beside me. My dear friends, do you see what he sees? Do you agree?

I didn't think it would be so hard.

Tired.

I'm tired of the quarrelling that never ceases, The Attitude (sometimes), and lack of energy (or drive). Is this a universal couple thing? I know at least one friend who can relate with me. Am I waiting too long, or harbouring false hopes that will never be realised? Only God knows.

Lol.

http://www.myheritage.com

Mr. Wiggles

By the way, this is Mr. Wiggles.

Other pictures of mine can be found at http://gohruyin.spaces.live.com.

Left in Pandora's Box, was Hope.

The distant future seems even farther away. Prospects appear bleak. Differences become even more significant. Initially, it was Hope which sustained me. And Trust, and Promise. Now these have fallen away, leaving naked Hope. Hope seems small and tinny without its guardians, utterly insignificant and abandoned.

Why are you so stubborn? I used to think that low educational qualifications were alright, as long as my partner worked hard to climb up. Where did all those promises of reform go to? I like to think that you'll make it in the end, and that I wasn't wrong about you. However, as time passes, my patience grows thin. You want, and need money. You need better job prospects, and a better future resume. So work your way up. Start from the bottom if you can't cut the queue.

Sober up. Be realistic.