So worried...

He didn't go home last night. There was no one at his place. And his handphone is still off. I managed to get through at 3 AM, but after that he turned it off again. I didn't really sleep much. I went to bed at 12, woke up at 2+, slept at 5+, and woke at 9. I talked to David for those 3 hours, and he made me feel better. But this morning I can't stop the tears from flowing again. Where is he? His friends have no idea where he is, nor did he contact them at all. I really am at a loss. I sent him so many messages but he never replied to a single message.

I had no idea it would feel this bad.

I think I just broke up with him. For real. And all of a sudden, I don't want to. I've been crying my eyes out for more than 3 hours now, although it really feels much longer. I suddenly feel that I can't do without him. And there's this pain in my chest that won't go away.He just left my house and didn't come back. I don't know where he is. I can't contact him, and I feel terrible. I miss him like crazy, and I'm very sorry I brought it up, and asked him to leave. I ran out to check the bus stop, but he wasn't there. I've called up or messaged all his friends, and they haven't seen him or heard from him.

He wouldn't leave just like that in the past. He must really have given up. Right before he left, he told me, "You've changed." I don't know about me, but I guess his feelings for me also has changed.

I want to go and look for him right now.

I honestly don't know why, but I actually contemplated suicide just now. It was so sweet, and tempting. Just to be selfish and ignore everyone else's feelings for my own suffering.

How am I to study for my exams? My head's so messed up right now, I can't think of anything else...